Don't you think life should have a remote!? We could rewind, fast-forward, pause, replay, etc!! I think it would make this whole motherhood thing far easier. Its all going by too fast, I am suddenly realizing my tiny baby isn't tiny and I want to yell, "WAIT!! I'M NOT READY!!!".
Our little one is turning 4months old this week and I truly cannot believe how quickly it has gone by. I continually try to remind myself to not rush any of this, because it is passing so quickly all on it's own. Once I found out I was expecting I wanted the pregnancy to hurry and be over!! Once I was in labor I wanted to rush that too. Those times feel like they passed in a blink. And here I am, a mother for 4months now & having to remind myself to slow down. When we have a hard day from time to time I find myself saying "I can't wait until he can...."---but the truth is, I CAN! And I want to. There is no rush little guy, no rush at all. I am reminding myself to make the most of our short time together as life cruelly snatches it away. It sounds dramatic and frankly it is dramatic, but it's how motherhood really feels. One moment you're eager to see them grow & the next you're crying as you pack the clothes they've outgrown that you swear you just bought!
I have been writing to Will in a journal ever since I found out I was pregnant. I have been recording milestones & other specifics as well as all of my crazy emotions! I am so excited to give it to him one day. Life with Will has been such a sweet experience. He has struggled with sleep & eating (eating due to acid reflux which is so painful he will sometimes go 8+hrs without eating---sleep due to the fact that he is a PARTY ANIMAL!...honestly, who knows why he won't sleep but he definitely isn't the "sleepy newborn" I heard so much about before he arrived). With these struggles he & I have grown tremendously. I feel extra attached and protective because he hasn't had it easy. I want to make all of his pain disappear and it's been so hard to be helpless in the situation. We have tried it all (trust me!!) and it has helped some, but we will definitely have to wait until he is eating solids/sitting up for him to be the happy boy we know he is. I would be lying if I didn't say it has been hard. Very hard. I would be lying if I didn't say that I have cried (a lot!). But it's all so worth it. This little man's smile makes me forget he only allows me 1.5-2hrs of sleep at a time. He is the BEST! I know he owns me, he knows he owns me, Chris knows he owns me. It's going to get me in trouble someday, I am sure.
So today, I will enjoy every snuggle, smile, coo, and touch. I will cozy him up to me as much as possible, because he will be too wiggly and big to want to snuggle with mama soon enough (waaaah!!). I will not rush. I will not!